Chris Ramsey's F-Word

When you can hear your colleague cackling, mid-chat, through three brick walls, you know the phone interview is going well. TV Comedian and Geordie, Chris Ramsey, arrives at The Rep next month with The Just Happy To Get Out of the House Tourand we asked him to tell us what he thinks six of Birmingham's best food and drink spots specialise in, going purely on their names. Weirdly, he was up for it.

SIMPSONS

What it is: Birmingham's first and longest held Michelin-starred restaurant
What Chris thinks it is: "Right, now obviously my first impression is that it's some kind of themed bar for The Simpsons. But I've been to Birmingham so much that if that existed in Brum and I'd never been, I'd be so furious that I'd burn my house down immediately after this interview. Maybe it just sells yellow food? But that sounds appalling and it would be shut down within a day. I'm going to say it's a posh restaurant. Am I right? Get in. Next!"

MR EGG

What it is: A one time egg-focused, post-club diner, it now sells Chinese street food
What Chris thinks it is: "There's a place in Edinburgh called Monster Mash and all it does is sell mashed potato, I'm going to pray that this place just does eggs. Nothing but eggs. Eggs as far as the eyes can see. Either that or it has a really round owner. You what? It's a Chinese restaurant? Do they do egg fried rice? No? They're missing a trick, mate. But I'm going when I'm in Birmingham. I'm all over Mr Egg, mate."

DIGBETH DINING CLUB

What it is: The city's multi-award winning street food nirvana 
What Chris thinks it is: "Big Puss Dining Club? Oh, Digbeth. Digbeth Dining Club. Thank god. Now then, that sounds like The Breakfast Club in London where people queue out the door, 40-deep for a restaurant that has 10 seats, in the pissing, driving rain. Why do they do that? Digbeth Dining Club. Hmmm, is it a place where pensioners go to get a meal deal and a game of dominos in? No? Is it one of the places that's full of cats that you can pet while you eat? No? What is it then? F*** me that sounds good. Does it do fish finger sandwiches?"

18/81

What it is: Brum's newest cocktail bar, finding the place is half the challenge
What Chris thinks it is: "1881 eh? I'm not a massive historian so I don't know what happened in 1881. Can't be prohibition, can it? That was in the 20th century. 1881 you say? What the hell do they sell their, gruel? Who wants a meal from 1881? I'm guessing it's a trendy bar, is that right? Yes! Can I just say you sound like you have the busiest lifestyle out of anyone I've ever spoken to."

TILT

What it is: The city's only pinball bar it specialises in craft beer and great coffee 
What Chris thinks it is: "Is it a restaurant in a building that's god bad subsidence and they've made a feature out of it? You stand at one end of the bar and they release your drink from the other. No, I know what it is! It sounds like a 80s nightclub. You know in The Terminator when Sarah Connor is running away from Arnie? That. That's what Tilt is. Something just a bit better than Snobs. What's that? Snobs is the last venue. Shut the f*** up! What are the odds?"

SNOBS

What it is: Brum's iconic sticky floored indy club moved to new premises in 2014
What Chris thinks it is: "I've driven past Snobs many a night and thought thank god I'm not going in there! I go to a curry house called the Taj Mahal whenever I'm in Birmingham — it's just behind the Old Rep  — me and my tour manager and my support act. The joke is, every time we go to the Taj Mahal at midnight, as we drive past Snobs one of us will always say "couple in Snobs?" before we all recoil at the idea. Never been mind you. It's probably brilliant."

Chris is at The Rep on September 10. Tickets are from £20.

Also standing-up at The Rep:

U ok hun? After a summer narrating Love Island, Iain Stirling has answers on September 7.

Edinburgh Fringe sell out, Juliette Burton’s Butterfly Effect is on September 15.

Brum Comedy Fest award-winner Kai Samra's on Oct 20 with No. Love. Lost.

Ahir Shah's bringing his new showDuffer on November 16.