Truly, Madly, Yuley

THE BURGER
Not all burgers are created equal. The Porchetta 'bout it is an OPM construct that we'd massively favour over a stocking (no offence, Ma) and, at £10.50, is a better use of your cold hard stuff. On top of the usual aged Longhorn beef patty, you'll get a slice of perfect porchetta — this: roasted butterflied loin and belly of pork — plus Cheddar, bone marrow, herb butter, potato rosti, garlic mayo and pickled onions. A burger of biblical proportions.

THE BRUNCH
We cannot account for the Christmas soundtrack at Caneat. But we can fully recommend their sprout tops (£8), which Dom and le gang will be serving for as long as they can get away with. Coming on a slab of sourdough which has been smothered in hot sauce and tahini, then sprinkled with garlic, chilli and sugar-roasted sunflower seeds, the combination of sweet and sour creates a lovely umami flavour. Add pork popcorn if the team has any to make this creation 100% less vegan.

THE PIZZA
What you are and are not allowed to put on pizza is a matter of much discussion in the office. Pineapple? Never. Chicken? Don't even think it. No, really, STOP! For an ever so acceptable switch up, head to Peacer for their mozzarella, cranberry, Wensleydale and mulled wine onions pizza, topped off with parsnip crisps. A minimum of two varieties of cheese is always a strong play in December.

THE CHOCOLATES
Is a chocolate full of alchomafrol an eat or a drink? We don't have the answers but we do have the latest releases from The Wilderness to get lyrical about. O Little Town of Birmingham is a collection of rum, whisky and Champagne truffles (£20, pictured top) that you can order now, with pre-Jesus Day collection or delivery options. Or how's about some hand painted skulls and hearts to tell someone you care? Spiced caramel and fig are your flavour profiles for the White Christmas (£28) collection. More

THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING
The dry, coined up, food-based stuff is the work of all the major satanics and we just wouldn't do that to you. But what we most definitely would do is point you in the direction of 18/81's latest menu addition. Small batch Bourbon is combined with rich orange flavours, nutty Oloroso sherry and winter spiced bitters, all cooked sous-vide with a 12-month matured Christmas pud, also the name of this new creation (£9.50).

THE BEER
Just when you thought Stirchley couldn't get anymore Stirchley, Sweetmeat Inc and Attic Brew Co have conquered the 500 metres between them and made a beer to sate your Yuletide yearnings. Crunch (3.9%, £4) is a nutty, roasty mild which was brewed up with 25kg of Sweetmeat honeycomb giving a burnt toffee flavour and hint of sweetness. At Attic's taproom tomorrow from 4pm, when Toastie the Difference'll also be serving turkey-stuffing-sausage sangers.

THE HOT CHOCOLATE
Yorks' Tangier is made up of spiced orange infused Belgian melted dark chocolate and served with orange blossom whipped cream and pistachios (£4.20). And if there's a more swoon-worthy hot choc in this city right now, the main possibilities seem to be the other two twists on cocoa the Stephenson Street massif is dealing in this December. They've also got vegan bratwurst with fries, sauerkraut and curry ketchup (£8), which is reported to be 823% more delicious than the Vic Square equivalent. Approximately.

THE COCKTAIL
Keep the change you filthy animal! is a line from the second-best Christmas film ever. It's also one of six cocktail specials (all £10) you'll find at The Edgbaston for the entire time the spot is wrapped up in its very own bow. For the team's 2019 take on hot buttered rum, add falernum, mixed spices, hazelnut and salted butter to a rum blend and, "1, 2, 10", liquid Christmas is yours. Festive afternoon tea is also on the menu, though you'll need to book up for that one.